I LOVE PEOPLE. If you know me, have met me, or heard me interact with humans for probably longer then 10 minutes- there is absolutely one thing i hope and pray everyone I ever come in contact feels from me. And that’s that they are loved.
Whoever they are, wherever they come from. I hope and pray that I don’t ever leave an interaction with another soul on this earth feeling anything less then seen, and loved.
I’ve been told, sure- I have a “bleeding heart” that I’m most definitely an empath- and sometimes I “feel too much.” And I can most certainly see those character traits at play in my every day life, in my conversations with others, and even the career path I’ve found myself so lucky to be upon.
But there’s a paradox I’ve recently been learning about not only surviving- but thriving as one who’s very “love driven” and that is this-
For some reason I’ve bought into a myth over the years that the more over committed, the more spread thin and exhausted I am with serving others and putting everyone else’s needs above my own- that somehow this hustle for my worthiness will produce exponential amounts of love and worthiness felt by those around me.
What I’m finding out though- is the more exhausted, over committed and spread thin I am in all this hustle? The less and less I am able to show up for anyone. And that oh so sneaky ego comes into play. It starts becoming about validation, affirmation, and pleasing EVERYONE.
Eww.
If i truly care about showing up for others, for genuinely and authentically serving the needs of so many hurting hearts around me, I HAVE to show up for myself first. And as much grace, encouragement and non judgmental empathy I extend to every soul I encounter. Wether the CEO of a major company, or the homeless addict on the street- I HAVE to start giving that same level of empathy and grace, those same chants of cheering on another soul to celebrate the best in them, and call out the gifts they bring to this world- I have to start giving the same level of joy I so desire to spread- to Jamie too.
To look myself in the mirror- to see a photo of me with a group of beautiful faces- and not immediately point out my “flaws”; but to really look at that girl in the mirror and have that awkward conversation.
“Hey girl. I love YOU.”
I’m so proud of who you’ve become.
I call out the beautiful things you bring to this world, and choose to focus on those.
For if I do not show up for myself first, love that woman I’ve fought so hard to become with the same- if not more- reckless abandon I hope to love the souls around me with?
I will continue to wonder how my car runs on Empty, and this quest becomes so exhausting.
Of all the souls I long to fully show up for in this world? She has to be first in line.
And strangely, the love I show to Jamie first? Well… that love ends up leaking onto these people around me I’ve been so deparate to fully know and feel loved by her too.
It’s not about me. How can i meet the need? Selfless service starts and ends with self care.
And dang it Jamie, I can finally believe you when you say “I love You.”
We Heal by Remembering 